It always happens this time of year....

and it probably always will.  The time between my birthday and the boys birthday, the weather starts to get really nice and I get all nostalgic.   I know it has to do with the boys having a birthday, and probably with changing of seasons.   But I get this pit in my stomach.  And maybe that is more so this year, because we are having a lot of changes.  Austin is starting Kindergarten, we are going on a big trip next month, boys are having their first kids birthday party,  we are starting them in t-ball.  I know I say this every year but they really are growing up. Kevin took the bikes down, he was a rock star last fall and got them all hung up in the garage, and from the first time on their bikes they were already riding down the driveway into the street, and I only really need to help up the hills.  Unfortunately, our neighborhood is pretty hilly so a tad hard for the boys, but they are rocking in.  They love having their bikes down.  They love using their muscles and John David as he was riding in circles in the backyard told me he was getting exercise.


The boys are crazy about their bikes.  We have rode to the park, which was an experience.  Once we got to the park, they were riding around the park on the sidewalk, and I was watching as a proud mommy, not sure what to do, stand and watch, sit, chase after them.  Austin was riding on the basketball court but decided not to turn and went down the grassy hill.  I ran after him, for a few reasons, but mainly because he was headed downhill for the marshy area.  Luckily, he spun out just in the nick of time, in front of all of the frisbee golf players but not quite in the marsh.  Everyone was quiet but me, I was running, asking him if he was okay.  Austin was silent, we got him up, and not one time did he cry.  I laugh because one of the frisbee golf players, yelled, "AND HE'S GOOD"  I was shocked that he didn't cry, but merely got right back on the bike and proceeded to ride.  I think a year was shaved off my life and received a few gray hairs and Austin got some bruises, okay a lot of bruises from the past couple of days, but man that kid is persistent, courageous, determined.


Mother's Day.  My kids are too funny when it comes to keeping secrets.  They can't for the life of them.  So they made me something at school.  Austin comes to me, "I made you something special at school today, but I can't tell you what it is.  It's a bracelet and you're going to love it.  Oh, don't tell Miss Brenda or Miss Angie."  And then the boys are in the back seat telling each other what they made me. They had their gifts ready for me on Wednesday, but I was good and waited to Mother's Day to open them (so not like me).  In hindsight, it might have been better if I opened them early, because they were super excited to have me open my presents at 5:45 a.m.  We had a very nice day, we went to breakfast with Milly, and then the boys and Kevin and I went to the forest preserve near our house for a bike ride, kids rode their bikes and Kevin and I walked behind them. John David didn't make it too far so Kevin and him rode back to the bench by our car and Austin and I continued.  I thought we were only going a bit further but the path kept going so I thought it would be best to turn around.  I had to run to keep up with Austin on the way back.  He is a speed demon, I hope this isn't a look into his future with him driving.  Then we ran around in the grass and took some cute pictures.  Took a nap at home, organized clothes and then went out to dinner.  All in all a great day!

Spring Sing.  We had spring sings for both boys. We didn't know what to expect.  Austin was super excited for us to come, but when we get there he was so shy.  A lot of parents were there and I think as a 4 year old I would be scared too!  He didn't sing, but he did play with his sticks and had the cutest I'm so shy smile on his face!  John David on the other hand, was up front, singing all the songs!  He was so excited as well and just had the biggest smile on his face.

I have really been missing my mom lately and I’m kind of angry about it.  I know she’s proud of me and looking down on me and my family.  I feel her.  But I want her here to share in my excitement with the kids.  I feel cheated.  Mother’s Day is even harder than most days, I see pictures of my friends with their kids and their mom’s and just want that!  It’s just sad.  Now, I do know she is with me, I “see” her all the time.  See, when I see the numbers 333, that’s her sign for me.  She is buried at 9A333.  My dad saw 333 right when she passed and now when I see 333 I think of her.  I’m lucky that I do see 333 a lot and that makes me both happy and sad.  Just the other day, I   And I just cried, because I couldn’t do that. So when we were driving and talking, I turned behind a car and wouldn’t you know the license plate was 333.  I was mad at her because I had no sign of her on my birthday, it just made me so sad. And then of course I feel mad at myself for being mad at her.  Crazy ripple effect, I tell ya.  I posted the picture of my mom the other day as my facebook profile picture because I wanted to be like everyone else showcasing their moms.  Just before that, the boys and I came across her picture.  Austin says “she took care of me as a baby!”  He remembered me telling him that.  So on Mother’s Day, I looked at all of the supportive comments people gave me on my profile picture and just smiled.  I know she would be proud of me, want to know how I know, because on Mother’s Day, I looked up and saw the time, 333.  Her sign for me.  I know she’s okay, I know she’s looking down on me, smiling, but I admit I still feel cheated and I’m mad because I know that she would love being a grandma to my 2 amazing, rambunctious, little men.
was telling Kevin how upset I was about my mom and how much I missed her. On the radio that morning, people were giving shot outs to their mom.

Preschool is ending and it'll be time for summer activities at daycare. Both boys received portfolios of their time there.  I saw, name writing samples, cutting samples, drawings, paintings, self portraits, photographs, letters, and it was AMAZING.  Definitely brought a huge smile to my face as I can truly see how much they have learned there.  I will treasure this book forever.